The endometrial scratch biopsy - all you wanted to know (or the TMI post!)

So lots happened when I saw my specialist yesterday. One thing I really like about him, is he doesn't wave my concerns away, and he sees me and my history AND, he said to me quite bluntly, I have not given up on you yet! They are really wonderful words to hear when you feel so down about it all. When I  said I was happy to have the biopsy (and I was going to ask about it), he said he has had some success in the past doing this. I also said my husband was fed up and didn't want to do IVF anymore, and he agreed. He said we have given it 5 blastocysts (after this FET), and if it hasn't worked we should go back to what we know works IUI. He said in some women, the more natural approach just works better. He also said IVF had not been too great for me, and he with the expense, it just was not worth the risk. So no more IVF for this little chicken (after the FET). My husband is up to trying with IUI again as well - so I am not out yet!! He also is happy to do some investigations to make sure I didn't get an infection after the miscarriage, and make sure there is nothing obvious going on (which is why I have not got pregnant). So I have a way forward, and am very happy about it. Having said that, let's hope I don't have to go down that path, and the FET works. But it is nice to see that my chances of having another child are not over and done with.

Okay, so if you have read through all of that, here comes the TMI post. All about this biopsy. First thing to know, is that they harm the lining of your uterus. This causes a healing response which for some reasons increases the receptiveness of the embryos to implant. The theory is that inflammation and immune cells go to the site and this results in the more receptive lining. There is a bit out there, and I am getting my head around the science of it. It can increase implantation by 50%!! You have to have it done on a off cycle (so no meds, no stimming etc), and then do a FET the cycle after. So you can;t do it on a fresh cycle, and you can not do it on a medicated cycle.

So what is it like. Umm.. not very pleasant at at all. Turn away now if you are squeamish

Pretty much he had to get a tool to grab a hold of my cervix, so he could push through the brush (which is what does the damage). The minute that brush goes through your cervix, your whole body cramps (and keeps cramping), and it is very uncomfortable. He then literally brushes your uterus, and you can feel it. You can feel it pushing against you from the inside, and it is very weird. You do bleed, and I am still bleeding today. I did find I needed pain killers after the event (something I didn't know). Would I do it again? If it works, 100%. It isn't fun to do - but considering everything we have been through I would definitely say go for it, if you think it will help! so now I wait for AF, and my final final IVF cycle!

Exciting and unexpected news!

Okay, so first off I am not pregnant :) BUT!!! I do have some exciting news. I just got a call about being apart of an IVF trial. They are trying to see what helps implantation, and I have been offered a scratch biopsy as part of it. I was going to ask my specialist about doing the scratch biopsy (as I had heard it helps implantation) - now I will definitely get it!! I am still so stoked about this, as I really had no idea if they would agree to it. The stats I read is that it some studies, a scratch biopsy increases the likelihood of a pregnancy by 20%! I will work with that :)

The last few months

I wish I had an amazing post, some amazing news, but it is not meant to be. The last few months have seen me go through two medicated FETs. The first was a single and the second was a double. All up (since my loss), I have had 4 failed IUIs, and 2 failed FETs. I am losing hope very fast. We have two frosties still, and I am taking a break. We have had a bit of a disaster at home, which has seen me moving our family from temporary accommodation, to temporary accommodation, while we await insurance to fix it. The problem is there is no accommodation available as it is December, so we are staying with family and friends. It is exhausting, the IVF is exhausting, and I just want to get to a good place mentally and physically for my final try. Yup, it looks like once we do the last FET, DH wants out. I am not ready yet to give up, hopefully next year brings some surprises with it. I am just unsure what else to do - I am getting some counselling to help me through things, and through that finding some more hope in this process.

Have a great christmas and new year, may all your dreams come true.

A big brother who isn't

My son is 2 and a half now. Had my pregnancy gone to term, my son would be a big brother to a 10 month old. This weekend, we bumped into someone I knew, who had a son a few days off my due date. Well my little man went crazy for this baby boy. He left our table, went and sat next to this little munchkin, and proceeded to hug him, play him and was completely enamoured with the little fella. I saw what could have been, what my son would be like as a big brother. He knew exactly what to do, and it was just beautiful to see. I do hope I can give him the opportunity to be a big brother - he would be so amazing.

Pregnancy news - The royals and the duggars

The last week or two has been rife with pregnancy announcements. The Duggars in particular really P#$$ed me off. You may ask why? Well it is simple. They announced early because they feel that any life is precious, and regardless of the outcome they want everyone to know. So why does this annoy me? Because I lost my baby at 13 weeks. I still have friends who do not know about it. The choice to tell people was taken away from me, when my boss told people about my loss and my pregnancy without my consent. To me, my loss does not mean my pregnancy is any less real or important because I did not share. It means it was something private and important to me. It is such a thoughtless comment. If they want to announce early - fine. But don't make it seem it is because you want to cherish this pregnancy and baby - and telling the world is the only way it makes it real. You told people because you want the fame. My baby was real, but it was my pregnancy, my loss and not something I want the world to know about (so I blog anonymously instead!).

As to the royals, I feel for them. They have had to comment due to the situation. I am jealous though... but I am jealous of a few friends who have announced as well.. I am just tired and thinking (even with the embryos waiting), it is just not going to happen...

End of my rant post...

Next Steps

I saw my specialist today - to work out the next phase. He asked me if I wanted to start preparing for a transfer now - which took me by surprise. I am still super tired, and he must have seen I was not quite ready for it. I said I thought I would wait till I got my next period - and he was happy with that. Actually he was very happy for me to wait, and give my body some more time to calm down. I have already got AF since the Egg Collection, so I know it won't be a ridiculously long wait.

Now for the FET (frozen embryo transfer). He wants me on hormones, as my periods are so erratic. The minute he mentioned more medication I was reluctant. He reassured me that is was just an estrogen pill, and some progesterone suppositories (to thicken my lining). At about day 10 I will go in for a scan to see what is happening, and to prepare for the transfer timing. I am pretty nervous about this next step - which shows me I am really not ready yet - even for a FET. Hopefully I will be emotionally ready soon (and maybe I should get another counselling session.. something to think about). He did mention how much easier an IUI was - and I said I didn't think I could go another IVF  again. He said he doubts I would have to, as he is pretty positive with these embryos we will get a result :)

So the results are..
2 A grade embabies
2 B grade embabies &
1 C grade embabies

Right across the board there in relation to the quality.

So I guess the plan is the first FET - 1 of the A grades will go in. If it fails, will put in an A and a B and see what happens...they each have a 33% chance of working :) odds for once are in my favour :)

OHSS - what they don't tell you and day 5 freeze report

So unfortunately I have got Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. It has made me quite ill and quite confused, as my symptoms were not what I expected. I mentioned the other day to my IVF nurse that I was still feeling pretty horrid, and had quite a bit of pain. I couldn't get to the clinic in time to see the doctor, and was told to go to hospital if I felt worse. That night I felt even worse, shakes, very hot, in pain and generally getting worse. To me it was the fact I kept feeling worse. So I went to Emergency. We were there until 4am. They ruled out anything major, but did a diagnosis of OHSS. They were able to speak with my specialist as well, and he was also able to give advice. The hospital were great, they gave me strong anti-nausea tablets, pain medication and put me on a slow drip. I know with OHSS you can't do heaps of fluid as it just pools in your body spaces. The gyno registrar saw me and allowed me to go home as long as I got checked at the IVF clinic. I went the next day and had my scan which showed very enlarged ovaries and some fluid in my spaces. I was told I do have OHSS.

What surprises me, is I just didn't expect my OHSS to be like this. The pain was bad, but mainly to the touch. My fluid retention was there, but not to the point I was expecting. What got me, was the fact I started to feel worse. And today I feel even worse (6 days after egg retrieval).  I think I have been waiting for the big signs - massive overnight weight gain, vomiting  (I do have terrible reflux, nausea but no actual over the toilet vomiting), diarrhoea etc. What I can say, is if you start to feel better (which I was) and then start to feel worse - don't leave it! Get checked out. Chances are you have mild/moderate OHSS, especially if like me you are at high risk.

I am a little disappointed with the freeze report. We have 14 embies make it to day 5, but only 4 were suitable for freezing. They may freeze some day 6 as well. As long as the embryo takes, 4 is heaps, I guess with everything that has happened, I just don't feel so positive right now. Hopefully some of you can make me feel better with this report!