Before my husband (DH) and I got married, we broke up for a short while. In that time I had to do a lot of soul healing - and for me that was in the form of meditation. Seeing my white light and healing from there. If you have never done it, do try it. It can be as simple as starting by visualising a burning candle, and then visualising your own energy. It takes time but it was a beautiful healing time - so much that my DH noticed the difference in me when we finally met again - the rest is history.
So why am I telling you this. Well when I started trying for my son, I was very stressed. As I mentioned in my previous IUI post, the process is very hard mentally. I was a bit of a train wreck and so went back to my visualisation and meditation. When I got pregnant with my son - I knew it had work because I suddenly saw another little energy. The only way I can explain it - it was the purest white light and it was a lovely globe shape. I always cried when I saw that energy - it was just so pure. I freaked myself out when I said to my friend she was pregnant with twins. Two weeks later she confirmed she was pregnant, and two weeks after that she as pregnant with twins. It still shocks me that I could see this - but it seems I only see it when I am pregnant.
So the same thing happened when I got pregnant with my little angel. I saw the energy - but even then it looked wrong to me. Instead of a globe, it looked like it had been strangled in the middle two globes joined in the middle - I thought at the time that maybe it was an identical twin - and didn't think much more about it. The energy of my angel wasn't as strong as my sons, and I just thought to myself I was fooling myself with this idea I could see my childs energy - and I tended to not look for it, as it just felt wrong.
I wonder now - did I see there was something wrong? Did my baby tell me - and I just had no idea? How the do I even see it? I am a scientist, I am rationale, and I shouldn't believe in the estoric world - but sometimes I need to just believe and hope and pray - it is the only way to get through this time.
I hope when I eventually can have a rainbow baby, I will get a sign again, and faith all will be okay. I have no idea how to cope with the stress another pregnancy may bring about, but I know I need to manage it to be able to have another child. Ultrasounds can happen - but I miscarried after 12 weeks, I now feel no time is safe. I got through my sons pregnancy by looking for his energy before I felt him move. I hope I can get back to meditating and using that to calm me down... I just hope I get to experience it all again, even the stress. It is still better than no pregnancy or baby.
What is the strangest thing that has happened to you while pregnant?
The night of my IUI with Finn, I was lying on my back in bed, meditating, when I suddenly heard a soft voice - it started right behind my right ear but by then it it felt like it had swooshed over me while talking, arcing down into my abdomen. "I was waiting to be a big brother," was what I distinctly heard.
ReplyDeleteFrom that moment on, I knew I was pregnant, and I knew it was going to be a boy. No explantation, I'm a scientist at heart, too. Sometimes, science just doesn't explain everything.