2014 - the year of change

Wow. This week has been a shocker emotionally. It doesn't help I am full of hormones that do fun things to me. What I expected has come to pass, and at the end of March I will be unemployed. They want someone cheaper essentially - and I am getting the boot. Yes, all the right things have been said. How wonderful my work has been, it is not personal or about the work, they wish they could keep me on etc etc. But at the end of the day - they have chosen to let me go, and leave others at the same pay rate as I am. But the other person is her "favourite" - so she was never going to be let go of. Six weeks to go - and I am struggling with it all. I know I want out of here. I am over her attitude to mums and to me. I am over the shit I have had to deal with. But it still hurts more than I wish. I feel useless and mad that this is happening while I am cycling.

So what now? I am applying for jobs like crazy. I have had some interviews, one in which they rang my references, but they never called me back (to tell me I did or didn't get the job - I have called them but they still have not got back to me. Very poor form). I feel really redundant at work now - very little to do, very little to motivate me. My boss can't look me in the eye - she has pretty much stopped talking to me (so far). If I get pregnant, I pray  get a job before I get too big. I pray I do get pregnant - I am sure I will find other job opportunities, a baby may not happen if I wait too long. I want to cry all the time, and I really think it is the hormones.

Still, I have been a student or staff member for the past 18 years. It is crazy this is how it is ending. Feeling worthless. Sigh... hopefully tomorrow scans shows some plump follicles to lighten my day. So thankful for my families support through this. 

I hope one day to look back at this post and add an addendum that says - best thing that ever happened!