It has been a rough few days. Belly pictures going up on facebook (reminding me of my empty belly), some more pregnancy announcements, and a visit to the women's hospital, have finally got to me! The visit to the women's was the worst. It was not for me, but my mother. What got to me, sitting in emergency with her, and hearing that amazing sound of a babies heartbeat in utero. I had to hold myself up. Not cry or walk away and push it away from my thoughts. I should be hearing and feeling my baby too. My mum proudly announced how she has wonderful grandson, and I felt like saying, "and one in heaven too".... oh wow... I try and be strong, but SHEESH! those moments are hard.
Still a few days away from out trip away. And hopefully only a few weeks away from giving it another go. Kind of scary and hopeful that I may be pregnant again in a matter of weeks...
Still, not sure this pain will quite ever go away. And you know what, that's okay. I have to allow it, and not wallow in it. I love my children, all of them, one through marriage, one through birth, and one with it's wings. Love you all xxxx
Hugs to you!! I know all too well the pain that you are feeling! I will admit for me it never goes away but I have more good days than bad now. Wishing you the best and I hope that everything is ok with your mom!
ReplyDeleteThankyou Leslie :) good to know it does get easier. I think I just have to accept this as normal. Thanks for the thoughts on my mum. Right now not sure what is happening, but it's not life threatening just a complication that no one seems to want to help with!
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