10 weeks!

***please note: this post was written some time ago and a number of posts will appear to update you all. Apologies for some posts being out of order - that is the blogs fault. Nearly up to date with where I am at.****

Last week was a big one for me. It was the week my doctor was going to let me know if he through this pregnancy was viable. I went in for my scan and we got great news. Firstly bub was moving! It also has an awesome heartbeat. It looked like the sack had grown some, but was still a little small. Bub was measuring perfect. My doctor told me he thinks the pregnancy is viable and that I have a very healthy little one in there. He finally booked me into his system, the hospital and got my paperwork (tests) started. I am optimistically hopeful. He also told me it was nice to see my smile :)

I have opted to have the Harmony Test. This is the new screening test they do, that looks at the DNA of the baby from mum's blood. It has to be done between 10-11 weeks to get a free scan in. I got in Tuesday (and yes they asked me why I called so late, but they were great when I explained), and we got to see bub again yesterday. Heartbeat is still awesome (164), and once it woke, it didn't stop shuffling in there. We got a 3D photo of its profile, and yes, I am past that point of non-attachment now. I am as attached as my last pregnancy. Good news was I asked specifically about the sack, and she said bub was measuring exactly right (10 weeks 5 days) and the sack was a good size (let's wait till I see my ob on Friday for confirmation). But things look really good. We saw toes, hands, the brain, the heart, even the umbilical cord. I had my blood test done and now I wait for the result. I am just praying for good news. The screening tests do worry me, but then this whole pregnancy has been a week to week waiting game.

Having said all that, one thing that has come out of it, is I now think I lost the last pregnancy earlier than indicated. I really wish they had given me some sort of estimate of when I lost it. She just said the bub measured right and was confused by the measurements and lack of heartbeat. I am not sure if she was telling me the truth. I thought bub looked small, and seeing this nearly 11 week beauty - I saw a lot of similar things. I probably was around 11-12 weeks when I lost the last one, and not 12.5 weeks like I thought. It may not make a difference, but mentally, it makes me feel better that I may be getting close to that point, and will get a different outcome.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I knew this pregnancy was going to be tough. My husband told me he doesn't feel confident - I think we have just been through too much, and there has just been too much fear this pregnancy. He doesn't even want to start telling people when I hit the second trimester. And I must admit I am scared of telling people too. But I am showing, so at some point it is going to come out. My Dad called my Mum asking her if I was pregnant - so people are figuring it out. Hopefully though everything comes back clear and in two weeks I can start telling people the good news. But it is another long long two weeks. Tomorrow I am 11 weeks, and I could not be more thankful!