12 weeks - results!

**last update post! ***

I made it to 12 weeks!!! Today marks my 12th week, and the end of this week will mark the end of the first trimester. I am officially off the meds as of today (again scary, but any signs my body is not liking being off the meds I am calling the doctor), as the placenta should have well and truly taken over. I am still scared and nervous and we still have not announced it to anyone. Partly as the kids do not know yet. Partly as I am scared things will still go wrong. I did make the decision that once my screen came back I would start posting my old posts. So in a few days you should all be caught up and at this post :) As I haven't announced it ( I won't on facebook either), please keep this news to yourself!

I did get my screening results yesterday (it took 8 days!!! not 14). The genetic counsellor who called me had on a very slow sad sounding voice. I thought, oh no it is bad. How bad. Oh f*#@. But I waited and got the news that all tests showed baby is low risk for everything!!! She said to me with such a low risk to just go about the pregnancy with the normal check ups. NORMAL CHECK UPS!!! I was in tears. Bursting. Still can't quite believe it. Still scared. But smiling. SMILING! I just want to start feeling this baby move. Once I get there, it will be just a little easier. But I can still feel this uterus pushing and growing, so that reassures me, and I still feel horrid, especially at night.

The other problem is my knee has swelled up. No idea why (I have a very bad knee anyway), but this pain has been different, and keeps me awake at night. Seems to feel better when I move it, but the minute I stop.. oh it hurts when I move it. I was worried my knee would play up with my first pregnancy and it was fine, it was also fine in my second, but this time... eek! Hopefully it will settle. Keep us in your prayers for this bub still growing and getting stronger!

*** 13 weeks - TODAY! **

I decided to add this on to the post I wrote a week ago. When I started posting the old posts, I had yet to tell anyone about the pregnancy. I knew I was coping with this pregnancy by almost forgetting I was pregnant. By not telling people, if something happened, maybe I could cope better, maybe it was not so real, maybe I could deny it had happened. Not the best way to cope, but starting to post even made me scared. People now KNEW.  And what if, just what if I started to tell people and I lost the baby. I told a friend at 6 weeks, and that same night I had the bleed and loss. So there was this absolute fear that I would jinx myself.

The good news is that we finally started letting people know. My stepson was told, and was so excited this time (unlike last time, when he said some hurtful things), my son seems to get it now, and tells me I have a baby in my stomach. He keeps asking when the baby is coming out, and always wants to give my tummy a kiss and say goodnight. It is very sweet. My family now knows, and some close friends. My work colleagues have also been told. No big grand Facebook announcement. No clever photos posted in instagram. None of that - just a call and seeing the smile on my friends and family faces. Means a lot to get that hug, that squeal and that look of shock and delight. It also means those that are close to us know, and not everyone who happens across my life. I hope to announce this baby when it is in my arms. something I still am scared about. But I am feeling those tell tale twinges every once in a while, which reassures me. I am also still feeling so ill! But better since I went off the meds. Oh and going cold turkey off the meds - was terrifying! I must say I was waiting for some bleeding etc, but a week later and no problems at all. I just count every moment as a blessing. Hoping that second trimester health kicks in now I am officially there. I got there last time, but this was the same time we went for a scan to find all was not so good. I also felt a lot better at this time last pregnancy - another sure sign bub was gone for longer than I thought.


Anyway, I will keep you all updated in real time now :) Thanks for reading, I have thought about going back and changing those headers - but the fact is it shows my thinking. My absolute fear that by posting this - that something would happen. That I didnt want to know others knew, in case something happened. We all cope differently, and this has been the way I have coped. I was in denial, but I am not anymore. This is happening, and I will keep praying and praying that the rest of this pregnancy is smooth sailing.