Finally it has warmed up and that smell of Spring arriving is in the air. I spent the weekend in the garden with my boys - and took in the fresh air. I am not sure how long it will last - but at least we can enjoy the nice weather here for the next week.
Spring has always been a favourite time of year for me. There is that smell, and the trees start to bloom, and it is not too hot - but you can enjoy the weather. It is just a beautiful time of year. This year I am hoping Spring will bring an awakening, and a time to feel good. I felt so bad last night when my husband said he missed his happy wife. I am trying so hard, but I still have those moments. The miscarriage feels like it happened to someone else. I dream about being pregnant again. Seeing that second line, but the reality is AF has not returned yet, and I don't know when we will try again.
I want to feel happy again, but I know I should be midway through my pregnancy, instead I feel empty. I try and be positive, I know there are many worse off than me - but it is hard. I also try to push away thoughts of the miscarriage - if I think about it - I stop myself. I just don't want to think about it. Is it healthy? I don't know...
Still spring has started to show itself, and next week is the Jewish New Year - to me a new year to start again. I need to hold my head up high, and try and be happy. I just hope that AF witch shows up soon. I just want to move on.
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