Trigger time!

I had my scan this morning, and I have about 60 follicles ranging in size from 14-18mm. This is way too many follicles and I just got word that we will be doing a frozen transfer and not transferring this cycle. I am at very high risk of ovary hyper stimulation syndrome - I think it's a given. Getting pregnant will make it worse, and I feel so terrible I just want the eggs out and not to be pregnant. Sigh. That sounds terrible but I couldn't imagine getting pregnant next week and having to deal with feeling so lousy with no time to recover. So probably best. As for my cycle, I have to skip next month and the transfer is likely to be in September. Saturday and not come soon enough. 

Diary of a salt addict.

So this is what my haul from the stores looked like today. It is the only thing I want - salt. And as much as I can. No one warned me about the massive salt cravings you get from the stims (I never had this during IUI!). So rehydration drinks, and salt and vinegar crackers... I need you to get in my belly!

All is going well with my hormone levels, even though I feel like I am going to fall over into a heap. I am on pain killers to help me get to work, and on top of all that I have got myself a cold. Sigh. I know it will be worth it, I know it, I just do. bring on Saturday.. please!!!

IVF - day 9

Today I am cd9 (cycle day 9). I went in for a scan on cd5 and blood tests. My left ovary (which I thought was a little sore), had 50 small follicles, my right had 20. 70 follicles overall. That is a hell of a lot, and explains my pain. My blood - in particular the estrogen, were fine, so I could continue  as protocol.

I started taking my certotide, the antagonist on CD7, and went back in for my scan today. Follicles numbers are down, I have about 30 on the left and 17 on the right. The biggest is measuring at 15mm - I have yet to reach the magic 18mm or bigger measure. This means I am continuing as stated, with Egg retrieval to likely be on Saturday. Which is awesome, as it means I don't have to take time off work. I find out later how my estrogen level is.

So how am I feeling? Sore and uncomfortable and awfully exhausted. My left ovary in particular  hurts to the touch, but a lot is happening on there. I also feel nauseous and I have a small amount of bloat. I have to watch it really carefully as it could lead to OHSS (ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome), which can lead to all sorts of issues, and if really bad hospitalisation. The biggest risk is straight after the egg retrieval, as the trigger can cause it to get worse. I have been told to control pain with paracetamol and drink a lot more (though putting anything into my body is hard right now). At least I am responding, but again not as fast as usual (but better than my IUI round). I have another acupuncture session tomorrow, maybe that will help settle things a little!

Just a note - because I have PCOS, a lot of those follicles are immature follicles that may have no egg, or never mature. It is a side effect of the PCOS and is why it was called poly cystic ovaries (though it is not actually a cyst but an immature follicle causing the issue). It took ages with my scan, but the follicles were pretty consistent in size across both ovaries, so that is a great thing. Will see what happens next.

Who needs Costco when you got IVF!

I start my meds today. I was explained everything and sent on my way with the biggest bag of meds. I really felt like I had done a costco trip!

 My haul consisted of my daily injection of follicle stimulating hormone, antagonists to stop me ovulating (which I will start in a few days probably), hcg to trigger ovulation and crinone - the progesterone support for after egg retrieval. Wow. Makes it all more real. First scan on Friday. It is only cd5, but they are not expecting to see anything just want to determine if we need to start the antagonistic. Stabby stab!

And so it begins!

On Friday I rang the IVF clinic, to ask them how to go about getting an appointment etc. AF was due next week, but as luck would have it, my luteal phase was short (no suprises) and AF came over the weekend. The problem was/is I could not get an appointment until tomorrow. Day 1 of AF is when you get full flow, not the early spotting you may get (I get anyway). I started spotting Saturday night, which continued all day Sunday, when AF arrived properly Sunday night. IVF starts on Day 2 - so because it arrived Sunday night, it means Monday is day 1, and Tuesday is day 2 - I just make it! (technically, day 3 starts late Tuesday night). So I go in tomorrow get my meds and start IVF... still feels surreal!

Here we go!

IVF consult, and the results of my loss

Yesterday afternoon was huge, but we got everything done so we are now clear to start IVF.

We had our counselling appointment. This counsellor was so much better than the last one. She was respectful and understanding that we have done 9 cycles of infertility treatment, we have had a loss and we are realistic. We know what is coming, and we are both a little anxious (as I am so horrid when I am on the drugs - as I have written about before). But it was good to hear what my husband had to say, and we are on the same page, which helps.

We then spoke to a co-ordinator, and my husband scored a pen. It was his highlight! It had egg and sperm in it floating about- he thought it was hilarious!! So we got that crossed off.

I then saw my specialist, and he worked out my schedule. I am not the best responder, so we are going in hard and heavy.
- First off I will be on a FSH (follicle stimulating hormone), like I was with IUI. On IUI we got 1 follicle on 100ug. On IVF they start you at a dose of 150ug, with a max of 450 ug. We are starting at 300 ug! 3 time the dose I have been on, and double the starting dose. Let's hope this is enough to get me going. I am lucky we know this already from my IUI.
- They will then monitor me (with scans and blood tests), and once I reach a 12mm follicle, they will put me on an antagonistic injection (there is  a spray as well), to stop me from ovulating early.
- They will then wait till the follicles get to 20mm, and they hope to get about 10 follicles/eggs. They say to do egg retrieval for 3 eggs or more, but my doctor wants to cancel if we don't get about 5 (we don't pay till we do an ER), and try again with a higher dose.
- You then trigger with a HCG injection (as you do in IUI), to start the ovulation process.
- the ER is then done under light sedation (24 hours off work), and husband does his thing. Egg and sperm are then left to do their kinky thing!
- They transfer 5 day blastocysts - so transfer would be 5 days later. Just like an IUI with a guided catheter into the uterus. But with your embryo and no sperm. Hubby will be with me, and we will be able to watch the whole thing!
- Then the dreaded two week wait!

We did ask about transferring two. Legally we are in our right to transfer two, but my doctor said for someone with a proven reproductive past (that made me smile!! some positive words!), he would recommend one only at the first transfer - so that is what we will do.

Oh and statistics. For 36 year old - it is about a 40% live birth rate (not pregnancy, that is a take home baby), and 35% for a 37 year old. As I am about to turn 37 - he is giving me 37%. As each IUI was a 20% chance of a pregnancy (not live birth rate), these odds have me super hopeful, and better than I thought. 1% chance of a twin pregnancy with a single transfer, and 30% with a double.

I am about to ovulate (yay!), so I expect to start in about two weeks!

I finally had the nerve to ask my doctor as well what the test results were on our loss. Sadly, there was no testing done :( I am gutted - I thought we would have some answers, but knowing they either just didn't do the test (even though it was requested), or there was not enough material (how that could be at a 13 week loss I dont know), just hit me so so hard.  A year later, and I thought I could really close this chapter. Still not sure how I will go with the ER - it is in the same hospital as my loss. Having said that my friend gave birth to her daughter in the same hospital after losing and birthing her 17 week twin sons. So I really should suck it up, and realise others have been through much worse and still came through it!

Will keep you updated!

Sleepless nights

Sometime between now and next week, my baby's heart stopped beating. It is a year since we found out our 13 week old pregnancy had ended. I didn't think the year anniversary would get to me as much as it has. I have been sleeping badly, having really vivid crazy dreams. Nothing in particular, but not feeling great about stuff. It was even mentioned to me today how tired I sounded.

Has anyone else gone through this? Around the anniversary - just sleeping badly? It is hard to forget it, as we found out the day before my birthday. So it is now a double anniversary. I think I am okay, but these nights are really tough.

Tomorrow we go in for IVF counselling and seeing my doctor to work out the IVF plan. I still have not ovulated, so still a few weeks away before we start. Will update after tomorrow's visits.