I really didn't think I would get to 12 weeks, let alone 16 weeks. This bub is super active, and I am feeling plenty of movement. Moreso than I ever remember with my son - but I only felt him at 18 weeks. I saw my ob's locum on Monday, and he scanned the bub - whose heart rate is still a wonderful 160. He is very happy with things, and I am still being told all is NORMAL. The pain I am getting is most likely scarring from my previous c-section. It does worry me, but it passes, and everything else looks okay. I am hoping the nausea/vomiting has passed too. But we will see :)
Next big scan in 4 weeks!
Wednesday, 15 April 2015
Thursday, 9 April 2015
Why I will choose a c-section and be proud of it!
Some people look at me confused when I say this baby is going to come mid-September and not on the 1st of October (the EDD). They are even more confused when I proudly state I will have a c-section again. My son was breech and at 38 weeks I found out I was to have him in 4 days. I had prepared myself for a vaginal birth, and was shocked by this change in plan. But him being born safely was more important than standing on my head to try and get him to flip. I didn't find the experience horrendous, and recovered really well (but yes recovery is hard).
What gets me now is this expectation that to really experience being a Mother I need to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). That somehow I am failing, or I am taking the easy way (yeah right, with a toddler at home to look after), or whatever other deluded notion is out there. I am sick of seeing this all the time. There are so many benefits to a VBAC - being able to drive, being able to pick up my 3 year old, being able to provide a microflora through the birthing process to my baby. However there are a number of risks involved in VBAC. And I have just had so many risks to date, that after I lost my last baby I knew I would do a c-section (and yes I was contemplating a VBAC with the last one).
So to give you some idea :
I lost a baby after 10 weeks seeing a heartbeat. I have seen stats that have said that seeing this reduces your chance of miscarriage to about 0.7% (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18310375_). Seriously, that is less than 1 miscarriage per 100 pregnancies.
I was told I had a small sac. Rates estimate a small sac at 80% loss. That is 8 out of every 10 pregnancies will miscarry with a small sac (now I feel these numbers are very skewed, but it is what is out there). (http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/755264_2 this article states and even higher rate of 94% so 9.4 pregnancies out of 10!) I defied the odds with that one.
VBAC uterine rupture rates are 0.2-1.5% (1 in 500 VBACS) and success rates of VBACS are about 60-80% (3-4 women out of 5) (http://americanpregnancy.org/labor-and-birth/vbac/).
Now this may seem like great odds, but they are not good enough for me. I had such a small chance of losing my last pregnancy and I did. I am not willing to fall into the 1 in 500, or even the 1-2 women who will fail at a VBAC. I have too much to lose.
To me this is a statistical game of minimising risk (something I do a lot of in my job in public health). When I said to my obstetrician that I wanted to minimise risk, he knew exactly what I was talking about. There are more numbers I can throw here (in regard to the IVF process), but suffice to say, things happen.
So I am putting my child first. I want a healthy uncomplicated birth - and to me that is a c-section (and I know there are those that will disagree, you have that right). However, if I had a vaginal birth with my first, that would be my choice now. If I had not lost the last baby, I would have considered a VBAC. But things change, and I should not be made felt less of a mother because I am choosing what I think is the harder option in the long term. I still have pain from my previous c-section and always will. I will struggle with a newborn and a toddler, but I don't care. So for all of you who try and make women feel less or inadequate because we choose to birth in a different way - think twice. you have no idea what that mum has been through.
What gets me now is this expectation that to really experience being a Mother I need to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). That somehow I am failing, or I am taking the easy way (yeah right, with a toddler at home to look after), or whatever other deluded notion is out there. I am sick of seeing this all the time. There are so many benefits to a VBAC - being able to drive, being able to pick up my 3 year old, being able to provide a microflora through the birthing process to my baby. However there are a number of risks involved in VBAC. And I have just had so many risks to date, that after I lost my last baby I knew I would do a c-section (and yes I was contemplating a VBAC with the last one).
So to give you some idea :
I lost a baby after 10 weeks seeing a heartbeat. I have seen stats that have said that seeing this reduces your chance of miscarriage to about 0.7% (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18310375_). Seriously, that is less than 1 miscarriage per 100 pregnancies.
I was told I had a small sac. Rates estimate a small sac at 80% loss. That is 8 out of every 10 pregnancies will miscarry with a small sac (now I feel these numbers are very skewed, but it is what is out there). (http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/755264_2 this article states and even higher rate of 94% so 9.4 pregnancies out of 10!) I defied the odds with that one.
VBAC uterine rupture rates are 0.2-1.5% (1 in 500 VBACS) and success rates of VBACS are about 60-80% (3-4 women out of 5) (http://americanpregnancy.org/labor-and-birth/vbac/).
Now this may seem like great odds, but they are not good enough for me. I had such a small chance of losing my last pregnancy and I did. I am not willing to fall into the 1 in 500, or even the 1-2 women who will fail at a VBAC. I have too much to lose.
To me this is a statistical game of minimising risk (something I do a lot of in my job in public health). When I said to my obstetrician that I wanted to minimise risk, he knew exactly what I was talking about. There are more numbers I can throw here (in regard to the IVF process), but suffice to say, things happen.
So I am putting my child first. I want a healthy uncomplicated birth - and to me that is a c-section (and I know there are those that will disagree, you have that right). However, if I had a vaginal birth with my first, that would be my choice now. If I had not lost the last baby, I would have considered a VBAC. But things change, and I should not be made felt less of a mother because I am choosing what I think is the harder option in the long term. I still have pain from my previous c-section and always will. I will struggle with a newborn and a toddler, but I don't care. So for all of you who try and make women feel less or inadequate because we choose to birth in a different way - think twice. you have no idea what that mum has been through.
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
15 weeks!
Not too much news (which is a good thing!) from me. I am 15 weeks today, and still feel ill. The exhaustion and nausea are still around, but I am okay with that. My knee is being brutal, and not sure how I am going to cope with another 6 months of being in this amount of pain. The pain is bad, but it is the lack of sleep and the fact that I am scared I may fall down when I put weight on it. I expect it will just get worse as I get bigger.
I have a nice small bump I am still managing to hide :) It is nice to see it and to see it growing. I still am scared, and have freak out moments where I wait to feel that tell tale pressure, or a little flutter. But it is very hard. I read an article today about a woman's infertility battle. She described her pregnancy as a PTSD IVF pregnancy. I think it is so right. We are all slightly traumatised by the experience, and while others celebrate, we freak out over the smallest thing. If you are interested here is the article:
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/03/17/after-i-v-f-pregnant-but-still-stuck-in-the-past/?_r=0
For me, I am scared of buying maternity clothes, and feel that fear of what if it goes wrong every time I tell someone else. But I need to let go of the fear at some point. It is just really tough.
I have a nice small bump I am still managing to hide :) It is nice to see it and to see it growing. I still am scared, and have freak out moments where I wait to feel that tell tale pressure, or a little flutter. But it is very hard. I read an article today about a woman's infertility battle. She described her pregnancy as a PTSD IVF pregnancy. I think it is so right. We are all slightly traumatised by the experience, and while others celebrate, we freak out over the smallest thing. If you are interested here is the article:
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/03/17/after-i-v-f-pregnant-but-still-stuck-in-the-past/?_r=0
For me, I am scared of buying maternity clothes, and feel that fear of what if it goes wrong every time I tell someone else. But I need to let go of the fear at some point. It is just really tough.
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