I should have written this a week ago, but I haven't had a chance! I am actually 25 weeks now, and hit 24 weeks last week. Why is this so important? Because here in Australia 24 weeks is when they consider you viable and where they will intervene to try and save your baby. There is a big difference between 23 weeks and 23 weeks and 5 days in saving these babies (great article about it here ). There is even talk of moving this age to 22 weeks - as the interventions are improving and survival outcomes are increasing. But for now at 24 weeks I know we can do something if something where to happen.
So on Friday last week I was 24 weeks and 1 day. I was coughing my heart out (from a cold that won't go away) and throwing up, and I felt a rush of fluid. I had wet myself and of course I thought the worst. I changed my underwear and waited and notice a little more fluid loss. I did panic. I couldn't help myself. I ended up getting a scan and thankfully everything was fine. I spent the rest of the day sleeping. Was it fluid loss? My ob said it could have been a small leak that healed up, or very dilute urine (which is why it didn't smell). Problem is we don't know, but he understands why I would panic, and said we need to check it all out. He also said how unfair it would be for something to happen now after everything I have been through to get here.
But it brought so much back. The bleed at 6 weeks, the fear that even at 24 weeks, it was too early - but also the knowledge that if something had happened, if I waited too long, it may have been too late to help my baby. So I acted now. But I am still so scared. The same time in my pregnancy with my son, I was so naive, still worried, but having had an uncomplicated pregnancy with him, I felt pretty good about having a baby at the end. This time it isn't like that at all. How do you cope? I have no idea. I wish I had an answer. Time makes it easier. Each day further in makes it easier. Each kick and tumble makes me know the baby is doing well. And seeing my son and knowing how amazing kids are makes it that much easier.
In 5 weeks I will be 30 weeks and I know the odds of a healthy baby jump astronomically. So I am now counting the next 5 weeks down!
