You can't consider it a baby - it was too early...

I am pretty hurt right now. By all people my mother. I was trying to explain to her, that hearing about my friends twin pregnancy was hard. My friend went through one round of clomid, had sex and ended up with healthy twins. I went through 18 months of hell, to get pregnant with twins and lose one. So it hurts. It doesn't feel fair at times. Yet my mums response was that I can't consider it a baby - it was too early.

Those words cut so deeply. For anyone that has had a loss, planned or unplanned; and for anyone that goes through infertility and battles so many demons to get where they are, to lose a pregnancy at 4 weeks, 10 weeks, 20 weeks, is painful.  I am so grateful I still have this little jumping bean inside me, but that doesn't mean I don't mourn the loss of my two babies (my last pregnancy, and this bubs twin). I know this little one had a twin, that the bond the two would have had would have been amazing, and I know this will never happen. Instead I have been told to be happy with what I have. Now my mum is normally quite understanding, but she never had problems getting pregnant, never suffered a loss, so doesn't understand it and I am thankful for that. No one should go through it. But for those that have - we see the world differently. We see those two lines as hope, and we already get attached to what this means for us. It is irrelevant when you lose it. To me it is another child I lost. And yes it still hurts. But it is a bittersweet loss, as I am still carrying this amazing miracle of miracles, who loves to remind me that they are around, healthy and active. And I love it. And I am so eternally grateful for this miracle.

But these words hurt. So if you ever meet someone and think to yourself - oh it was too early, keep it to yourself. We don't want to hear it. I have a friend who had 3 losses all before 6 weeks, and she still talks about how hard it was. She talks about her husbands tears everytime they went in to see no heartbeat, or when she started to bleed. I have read about the losses at 4 weeks, and the pain of it. Anyone who has been through it doesn't think it is too early. So please think before you speak.

Now I just need to learn to forgive the comments by Mum. And that is tough.