Reflections...

Today was a huge milestone for my son. He took his first independent walk. Something he will one day do and never think about. For now it's a huge development. For me, the comments of "now it's going to get tough" are responded with "so let it get tough". I'm so proud of my little man, that the new developments don't scare me. I treasure every moment and milestone as you never know if you will get them again with another child. 

And so I reflected and found myself tearing up. I have such a gorgeous, funny, loving child that I feel my angel would surely have followed their brother and I felt so sad I wasn't going to meet this child. I know all kids are different, but I find the loss is actually harder having another child. Easier but harder - because I know what would have come. 

Infertility is often about getting pregnant that sometimes the end product is almost a shock. To me it's always been about the child I would hold.