A tough weekend

This weekend seemed to be really tough. It started with some bleeding and cramping and a rush to the doctor. I was given a referral for an ultrasound - which I was dreading. To see an empty uterus - I wasn't ready for that. Things subsided and so far I haven't gone for my ultrasound. I just feel like my body is reminding me of what has happened. I can try and move on - but I'm not sure my body will let me. 

I also worked today. A job I did when I had just fallen pregnant. It made me think I had fallen pregnant as I couldn't do the job properly. Today I got to be in the same place knowing I should be sitting and  showing off a belly. Instead I saw little babies, pregnant women and photos of newborns. I rushed around carrying stuff thinking I shouldn't be doing any of this. I should have my baby in my belly and I should be taking it easy. I cried on the way home. I feel so flat now. I really miss my baby. I want to move forward but I can't sleep properly. I feel sick all the time and cry at the drop of a hat. it gets easier doesn't it?