As most of you who have been reading along know, I have not been happy at my job. I have stuck around for the pay and the maternity leave. But as of yesterday that has all changed. I was only given a 3 month contract, with some ridiculous comments on why. There is a chance it may be renewed - but I have a feeling if I was pregnant, that won't happen. Funding is there - so I am not sure what she is playing at (I have theories, but I don't think it is wise to share on here!).
At any rate - after the major stress of how we are going to live, a few things happened.
That genetic counselling course? Submitted my application! I was going to wait a year, but now I see no reason not to.
New job? Found three to apply for - two of which I am excited about. The fact I am finding jobs makes me hopeful.
Dear husband? Rebuilding his work porfolio.
Baby plans - will NOT be on hold. I think the saddest thing would be us not trying due to this. I may not get the same maternity benefits, I may be studying, and life will be hard, but I have never been one to shy away from it all.
Now I just have to work out how to not completely disconnect from this job (unlike my office buddy who said she wouldn't come back! Onya babe! You will be amazing!!!)
Tuesday, 29 October 2013
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Updates galore!
This post is a bit all over the place. But I will start at the top!
We arrived back from our holiday a little while ago. It was great getting away, and New Zealand is stunning. One of the joys of driving through NZ is the scenery. Everywhere you go there is beauty to be found. This country is built around it farms not the cities - and it was a joy to travel through again. It was not long enough, but it was all we could do at this point. My son was a delight to travel with, patient and fun. He loved to explore all the new hotel rooms, and I think generally just loved having his parents around - okay okay, he loved having his mum around :) He was glued to my hip the whole time. We walked around Auckland - and it was very hilly. More than I remember it. Pushing a pram with a 12kg toddler on top of that, meant my husband and I got some great walks in. Our son slept during the day in his pram (or in the car when we were driving) so that all worked out really well. Our transition back home was not a hassle in regard to his sleep. He was just lovely to have around.
I got a cold while travelling, and still fighting that of, as is my boy. Which is why there is a lack of posts.
One of the tricky minefields you have after a miscarriage is hearing about other pregnancies. So far I have been pretty good. My attitude has always been "I am happy for them, even though I am sad for my loss". Until this week. One of my friends announced her pregnancy. Now she and I went through our first pregnancies together, and it hit me hard. We should be pregnant together, I should be celebrating with her, I should be 28/29 weeks, I should, I should, I should!!! Sigh. I am trying so hard to not let this get to me, but it is. She also does not know about my miscarriage, and I knew once I messaged her to congratulate her - she would start a conversation and want to catch up. Sigh... not sure how to deal with this... I have tried so hard to not feel this way!
However, I am hoping we can start trying again very soon. Just waiting on AF - which I hope will appear in two weeks. My naturopath, as much as I love her, does tend to see things a certain way. Her comments that once I am pregnant again, it will all be better, and I will feel I am not wasting time etc etc, doesnt help. Another baby will not replace the one I lost. It will not be ignored. It was still our child.
Blah - feeling low, but you get that sometimes. I just try and look forward and think of my sons smiling face.
We arrived back from our holiday a little while ago. It was great getting away, and New Zealand is stunning. One of the joys of driving through NZ is the scenery. Everywhere you go there is beauty to be found. This country is built around it farms not the cities - and it was a joy to travel through again. It was not long enough, but it was all we could do at this point. My son was a delight to travel with, patient and fun. He loved to explore all the new hotel rooms, and I think generally just loved having his parents around - okay okay, he loved having his mum around :) He was glued to my hip the whole time. We walked around Auckland - and it was very hilly. More than I remember it. Pushing a pram with a 12kg toddler on top of that, meant my husband and I got some great walks in. Our son slept during the day in his pram (or in the car when we were driving) so that all worked out really well. Our transition back home was not a hassle in regard to his sleep. He was just lovely to have around.
I got a cold while travelling, and still fighting that of, as is my boy. Which is why there is a lack of posts.
One of the tricky minefields you have after a miscarriage is hearing about other pregnancies. So far I have been pretty good. My attitude has always been "I am happy for them, even though I am sad for my loss". Until this week. One of my friends announced her pregnancy. Now she and I went through our first pregnancies together, and it hit me hard. We should be pregnant together, I should be celebrating with her, I should be 28/29 weeks, I should, I should, I should!!! Sigh. I am trying so hard to not let this get to me, but it is. She also does not know about my miscarriage, and I knew once I messaged her to congratulate her - she would start a conversation and want to catch up. Sigh... not sure how to deal with this... I have tried so hard to not feel this way!
However, I am hoping we can start trying again very soon. Just waiting on AF - which I hope will appear in two weeks. My naturopath, as much as I love her, does tend to see things a certain way. Her comments that once I am pregnant again, it will all be better, and I will feel I am not wasting time etc etc, doesnt help. Another baby will not replace the one I lost. It will not be ignored. It was still our child.
Blah - feeling low, but you get that sometimes. I just try and look forward and think of my sons smiling face.
Sunday, 6 October 2013
Plane!! Plane!! Plane!!
Although my son is yet to say those words, I am sure something along those lines will be mumbled tomorrow as we get on our flight for our much needed break. To say I am nervous is an understatement. Last time I flew with my son he was 5 months and still being breastfed. Now he is 18 months, walking and full of beans. I know I am going to love spending time with him over the next week (and my husband too!!), but I am nervous for the flight.
So I have tried to set up a toddler box of goodness. Crayons, stickers, rubber lego looking things he can play with, playdoh and more stickers. His favourite book, the ipad loaded with new games, his comforter and his dummy (or pacifier - we call them a dummy in Australia, not sure why!). Oh and a selection of treat food. Few. I wish I was him ;)
So I won't be around for the next week, but looking forward to getting away, hopefully AF is right on my door, so when we come back it is count down to TTC again.
If you have any other toddler plane trip ideas - now is the time to share :)
See you in a week!
So I have tried to set up a toddler box of goodness. Crayons, stickers, rubber lego looking things he can play with, playdoh and more stickers. His favourite book, the ipad loaded with new games, his comforter and his dummy (or pacifier - we call them a dummy in Australia, not sure why!). Oh and a selection of treat food. Few. I wish I was him ;)
So I won't be around for the next week, but looking forward to getting away, hopefully AF is right on my door, so when we come back it is count down to TTC again.
If you have any other toddler plane trip ideas - now is the time to share :)
See you in a week!
Thursday, 3 October 2013
It's THESE moments that still get to me !!!
It has been a rough few days. Belly pictures going up on facebook (reminding me of my empty belly), some more pregnancy announcements, and a visit to the women's hospital, have finally got to me! The visit to the women's was the worst. It was not for me, but my mother. What got to me, sitting in emergency with her, and hearing that amazing sound of a babies heartbeat in utero. I had to hold myself up. Not cry or walk away and push it away from my thoughts. I should be hearing and feeling my baby too. My mum proudly announced how she has wonderful grandson, and I felt like saying, "and one in heaven too".... oh wow... I try and be strong, but SHEESH! those moments are hard.
Still a few days away from out trip away. And hopefully only a few weeks away from giving it another go. Kind of scary and hopeful that I may be pregnant again in a matter of weeks...
Still, not sure this pain will quite ever go away. And you know what, that's okay. I have to allow it, and not wallow in it. I love my children, all of them, one through marriage, one through birth, and one with it's wings. Love you all xxxx
Still a few days away from out trip away. And hopefully only a few weeks away from giving it another go. Kind of scary and hopeful that I may be pregnant again in a matter of weeks...
Still, not sure this pain will quite ever go away. And you know what, that's okay. I have to allow it, and not wallow in it. I love my children, all of them, one through marriage, one through birth, and one with it's wings. Love you all xxxx
Tuesday, 1 October 2013
A blog callout - your time to share your special pages : I need your help :)
I love to discover other blogs. There are so many exciting and wonderful blogs out there! Leave me a message and I will organise to get your blog highlighted in a post in the next few weeks. Please also leave a little something about your blog.
On other note, for anyone that has yet to see a page/blog called birth without fear - jump on over and have a look. It is an amazing page that discussed all sorts of birth. One thing I have found lacking is something similar - but for those of us who conceived and lost. Something I am thinking of starting myself.
So this is what I need help with :
1. Share your blogs on this post - and tell us a bit about it.
2. Let me know if you have seen any sort of blog that is dedicated to our lost children
3. Would this be something you would be interested to participate in (anonymous if you want)
4. Any ideas for a name?
I know this won't happen overnight, but if you could also share this post with others who may benefit. We all have stories and I would love for them to be shared.
Simone x
On other note, for anyone that has yet to see a page/blog called birth without fear - jump on over and have a look. It is an amazing page that discussed all sorts of birth. One thing I have found lacking is something similar - but for those of us who conceived and lost. Something I am thinking of starting myself.
So this is what I need help with :
1. Share your blogs on this post - and tell us a bit about it.
2. Let me know if you have seen any sort of blog that is dedicated to our lost children
3. Would this be something you would be interested to participate in (anonymous if you want)
4. Any ideas for a name?
I know this won't happen overnight, but if you could also share this post with others who may benefit. We all have stories and I would love for them to be shared.
Simone x
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