8 weeks

***please note: this post was written some time ago and a number of posts will appear to update you all. for those of you who know me personally, please wait for the posts over the next few days which will explain what has happened. I don't want any contact about this right now, for various reasons. thanks! Sorry if this sounds ominous - I do appreciate all comments and posts on here! As you will see from this post - things have not been straightforward, but all will come clear and why I have this as a header! ****

I couldn't sleep all night. My nerves got the better of me as I waited for my scan this morning. The two things I wanted to see, the things I convinced myself if I saw  then it would be all right, was that it had grown and maybe caught up and that the heartbeat was stronger. I got my wish. Bub is now only a day behind and the heartbeat is well over 160. I'm still not out of the woods. The sack is still measuring small and I am still classified as a threatened miscarriage. My doctor told me he has seen pregnancies like this resolve themselves but he needs me to be aware and prepare myself that it still may not work out. I am still on weekly monitoring. I have another scan on Monday with his locum (he is away for the week) and I see him again the week after. He has told me at that point we should have a better idea. I'll be nearly 10 weeks which is when the placenta kicks in. I think that's why it will take till then To see what happens. The sack is less important as the placenta takes over (can anyone tell me if that's right?)

It's pretty tough. I'm still in no mans land. I have looked to google (ergh!) and I can see it can go either way. Some of the photos I've seen of the losses have a very tight sack with no space at all. Mine does have some space - but I never asked how far behind the sack is, so I really can't evaluate it. 

It's crazy. This pregnancy is being monitored like crazy as it's not tracking as they would like. My previous one was perfect. Measured perfect, heartbeat was about 140, saw it moving at 10 weeks. Even the 13 week scan it had measured on track. And I still lost that baby. For no reason with no markers. So as scary as this is, I'm also realistic that anything can happen at any point . 

And now I continue to wait. I just feel like I bought us another week, not good, not bad. 

By the time I post this even I will know the outcome. Hopefully miracles with this pregnancy will continue. But it's the hardest thing I've ever done.